You know that part in movies where the main character turns on their car radio and the song that’s playing slowly fades in and becomes the movies background music? I like that
I love the opposite, where the background music is seemingly just background music until the cut to someone turning off the radio and the music abruptly cuts off.
I hate linguistic anthropology. Why? One of the most influential experiments in linguistic anthropology involved teaching a chimp asl. One of the most influential linguistics is named Noam Chomsky. You know what the chimp’s name was?
Nim Chimpsky.
Fucking monkey pun.
And this is in textbooks, in documentaries, everywhere. And everyone just IGNORES THIS GOD AWFUL PUN cause of how important the experiment was. But
BUT LOOK AT THIS SHIT. FUCKING NIM CHIMPSKY. I HATE THIS WHOLE FIELD.
Its not just the linguistic anthropologists.
There’s a group of very important genes that determine if your body develops in the right shape/organization… they are called the hedgehog genes, because fruit fly geneticists are all ridiculous. The different hedgehog genes are all named after different hedgehogs. And then someone decided to get clever and name one “sonic hedgehog” because this is just what fruitfly geneticists do.
Well sonic hedgehog controls brain development, and now actual doctors are stuck in the position of explaining to grieving parents that their child’s lethal birth defects or life-threatening tumors are caused by a “sonic hedgehog mutation”.
And this is why no one will invite the fruit fly people to parties.
Biogeochemical scientists, upon discovering the complex mechanisms that govern the storage and use of molecular iron on our planet, decided to call this cycle “the ferrous wheel”. We groaned about that for at least five solid minutes.
The phenomenon of sneezing when exposed to sudden bright light is called an Autosomal-dominant Compelling Helio Opthalmic Outburst. ACHOO.
Half a byte of data is a nibble.
An unidentified, repetitive computer error is called a Bug, because the first one of those they discovered to be the fault of a moth fluttering against the vacuum tubes.
I think we need to admit that academics and engineers are lonely, stressed people whose brains go funny places when deprived of sleep and fed too much coffee instead.
because i haven’t seen enough of these around and i am so here for angst:
“today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU
¨i still have your phone number memorized even though i haven’t called you since we split and somehow i remembered it even though i’ve had like six shots of bourbon and hey, i know you’re pissed that you’re here at this dingy club at 3 in the morning to pick my drunk ass up, but you have to admit that’s pretty impressive¨ AU
“i’m pretty sure if taylor swift and i were in a competition of who could write the most breakup songs in one night, i’d win by a landslide because i still set two plates out for dinner even though i eat alone and it’s almost pathetic because we’ve been broken up for ages but i’m still not over you” AU
“so i know we haven’t talked in like, two years, and that things ended pretty badly between us but what the fuck do you mean you’re engaged to be married¨ AU
“yes, i know this is your sweatshirt and that we broke up five months ago but it’s really comfy okay. i totally don’t wear it because like it still smells like you or is the only thing that even remotely feels like home since i moved out. pfft. absolutely not.” AU
“look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU
“oh hi, totally didn’t expect to see you here at this one hole in the wall coffee shop literally no one in the entire world besides you knows about. what a coincidence.” AU
“it´s my [insert family relation here]´s wedding and seeing all these happy couples is killing me and all i can think about is how this was almost us” AU (bonus: “i know that it’s two in the morning and i’m dressed really formally and a little (a lot) bit drunk but i couldn’t stop thinking about you after my grandma asked how you were doing also can i come in it’s freezing out here”)
“i still have your sister’s scarf and i know it’s stupid but i’ve been hoping maybe one day you’ll come by and pick it up so we’ll be forced to talk again because i haven’t seen you in months and i’m maybe kinda sorta still in love with you” AU
“i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face” AU
“we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad” AU
“so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for [insert family celebration] and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack and– wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you… wait–” AU
“i found your box of letters underneath my bed last night and because i’m a nosy motherfucker i decided to read them and it turns out they were all addressed to me and the last one was dated the day you moved out and i’m not quite sure why i thought this would be a good idea but here i am, standing on your doorstep, wondering why the fuck we’re not together anymore” AU
“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU
The problem with the manic pixie dreamgirl trend in media is that it trains men to assume every girl they pass with a pretty dress, unusual hair, and sparkly eye-liner is some kind of deep and quirky and paradoxical nymph, which is complete erasure of girls like me, who are absolute gremlins.
There’s a certain point in conversations with guys when you can tell that’s what he’s thinking. He fell for the sparkly nails and the off-the-shoulder top and he’s expecting you to tell him how your dream is to bike across France with just the clothes on your back. How you like art museums because they feel like the beautiful preservation of long-dead artists’ souls. How you believe humans evolved sight in order to appreciate the infinitely unreachable cascade of stars above.
And at that point you’ve already lost. There’s no graceful way to clarify that you’re actually just a gremlin in a sundress, which you got for $14.99 on the clearance rack at Old Navy while trying to buy socks. That you actually don’t know anything about philosophy or whimsy or world-travel you get anxious taking the subway anywhere new. That you actually really have to go because you already have plans for the evening of lying in a blanket-burrito in bed watching a 49 minute Youtube video review of an anime you’ve never heard of.
The manic pixie dreamgirl trope is socially-anxious-dumbass erasure and i wont stand for it
wrennette 